Thing I've experienced lately: 

It's one thing trying to reason with people so stupid, xenophobic and racist that they can't be reasoned with. 

It's another thing trying to reason with intelligent, educated, or at least generally 'good' people that possess minimum standards of compassion and respect towards others, and find that they are willing to support a man like Trump. 

When I hear friends, invariably white male friends, talk about how Clinton is so corrupt or that the status quo is so bad that voting in Trump, a complete idiot, or the other idiotic third party candidates, is actually a better option than voting in Clinton (because 'even if he's shit, at least he'll change things up and force everybody to reevaluate', I just want to slap them. 

And I don't even think Clinton is an ideal candidate. I think her foreign policy stance is really aggressive and worrying, but all else considered, she is NOWHERE near the level of 'corrupt' that many people make her out to be, and though she seems corrupt to some extent, there have been previous Presidents and other men in similarly high-up leadership positions that have done much worse and were never called out on it the way Clinton has. 

If you're going to argue that Clinton is corrupt, don't you fucking use that email scandal, or her changed stance on gay marriage. These are BOTH things politicians have done FREQUENTLY - i.e. deleting emails, leaking classified information, changing their stances on key issues. So if you're going to use these as justifications, FUCK NO. 

If you want to put her in jail for the email thing, put David Petraeus in jail, and thoroughly investigate Bush as well. If you want to attack her for changing her stance on gay marriage - remember that people change. I've had friends who used to slut-shame other girls in class, but are now staunch feminists who fight against this very mentality. I've had friends who were Christian and strongly pro-life, but having grown up, met different people at university, and learnt about the real consequences of pro-life policies for women, and are now pro-choice. When I was 15, I didn't think climate change was worth combatting compared to other issues, and was an anthropogenic global warming denialist. Obviously, I'm not now.  

If a person has changed, and is willing to fight for the right position now, how in the world is that a bad thing??? Even if, yes, Clinton is 'strategic' about her stances - this is not necessarily the worst thing. Being strategic is fucking necessary. People talk about idealism like it's actual realistic. No. 

Compromise is what's realistic. Being smart is what's realistic. And these. Aren't. Bad. 

Overall, Clinton is no Obama, but she is by faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar the most qualified, and the least harmful for America. 

To all the friends who would vote for somebody else just because they don't like Clinton - firstly, you have bought into the hyperbole. You are brainwashed. She isn't THAT BAD that TRUMP is the better option. You're fucking crazy if you think otherwise. 

And now I'm going to use that word that white males hate - 'privilege'. 

You know why I can't support Trump/Stein/Johnson (remember that a vote for a third party candidate basically just gives your vote away to Trump)??? 

Because I'm a minority. You might have felt prejudice once or twice in your life, but for me, for women, for gays, for Mexicans, Muslims, Indians, Blacks and other people who will certainly bear the brunt of the hate that will no doubt explode in massive ways as Trump rises, and which even he will not be able to control, is why I can't take the fucking cop out option of voting for Trump or somebody else other than Clinton, no matter how much we dislike Clinton for other reasons. 

WE. CAN'T. AFFORD TO. 

Already, there are Trump supporters hanging Black dolls from their trees in the front yard, simulating the lynchings of the 1950s, when the KKK was at its peak. Already, there are Trump supporters gearing up with an arsenal of guns and other weaponry, ready for a civil war if Trump isn't elected (this is true btw, there are undoubtedly people doing this and it has been reported). Already, even non-Trump supporters are goaded on by the blatant racism revealing itself on screen and in the streets, and in fucking New York, we recently had two Muslim women get kicked out of a restaurant, get verbally abused on the street, another Muslim woman get set on fire outside an upscale Manhattan boutique, and a Chinese-American man (who was an editor at New York Times) get told by a wealthy-looking white woman in the city centre to 'Go back to China!' and some other racist epithets. 

SO REALLY? ARE YOU BLIND??? ARE YOU DEAF??? Do you not SEE what's happening? Do you not UNDERSTAND what will happen and what is already happening? 

I feel the fear. Do you? You can't. You don't know what it feels like, do you? To have your family and your parents always feel insecure about being subject to racism. To be scared of walking home alone at night. To have friends care more about French people than the suffering of people in countries that many Australians come from. 

OF COURSE NOT. You're white and/or you're a man. You literally cannot feel how we feel. You just don't have to deal with the same problems. And I'm not being a crazy SJW here, but honestly, if you can still support Trump at this stage, or even justify him with a 'oh Clinton's worse' or 'he'll change things' sort of bullshit argument - get the fuck out. I am fed up with how blind you are. 

The goddamn truth: people are f*****

I seriously might have to delete this post in the future. 

Every single fucking day for the past two months, I have been constantly disappointed by the sheer number of fucking retards that I've had to deal with. I'm not even angry. I'm just 

Every single fucking day I read any comment thread on the internet, it's like watching real-time retrogression of humanity, and the imminent end of our evolutionary vector, because god knows - Trump, a guy who advocates non-consensually grabbing women 'by the pussy', is that close to getting his hands on America's nuclear missile launch codes. But not just that, despite myself being aligned with left-wing principles, I am physically disgusted by the increasing aggressiveness of other left-wing activists ('social justice warriors') for yeah, living up to the stereotype of being absolutist and sanctimoniously shutting down any argument that doesn't adhere to their own superficial values. Some of the things vomited out by both the left and right wing have been... ridiculous. And it's fuelling each other.

You know what. At this point, having the earth bombed to a charred, ashen, marshmallow of a planet and toeing the line of human extinction might be the purgatory we all need. That earth needs. Fuck, I don't even care anymore.

I have a lot of sympathy with Adrian Veidt of Watchmen, and I have no problem sanctioning certain 'methods' against certain people that I know some of you more admirable and morally pure-hearted would never agree to, like downright assassination (but surreptitiously, of course).

I literally ranted about this in my previous post about how, because I've been exposed to a lot of shit (in life and in the news) when I was young, I am able to take the more realistic approach to certain issues. And of course, there are some issues so complex that I acknowledge it is impossible to take sides, but what we can do and should do is calm the fuck down and look at the facts. And here's a fact I want to reiterate: human nature is not a 'blank slate'. We're fucked. Admit it. Things like jealousy, insecurity, suspicion, anger, compulsiveness, truculence - these are the things that lead to conflict, potentially massive conflict. And frankly, these are fundamental human characteristics, and as with positive traits like altruism and empathy, they will always exist. You can never make it go away, except try and strike a balance. Unfortunately, however, it's the negative traits we all embody that result in greater consequence for society. Trust me, I'm not being cynical. I'm just being an adult. And it's why we all miss the blissful ignorance/innocence of our childhood.

And since I'm ranting....

Ever heard of Peter Scully? The Australian man who engineered a paedophile ring in the Philippines and for years trafficked young girls and raped babies in dungeons to produce content for his subscribers? I remember reading about this when I in high school, when some of the material he produced were merely 'urban legends' of the dark web.

Well, he deserves death. And not just death. But a slow, tortured, excruciating death. If I had the ability to carry this out myself, I fucking would. I would ... I shouldn't even type out the things I'm thinking because it is literally so despicable that I almost feel just as fucked up. But sometimes, I look at my friends, who have never experienced huge prejudice in their lives, or the friends who make cheesy posts about the Paris Attacks but ask them about what's happening in Istanbul or Pakistan, and they're like 'what?'... and you can't help but think - People. Don't know. Shit. 

Even me, ranting about problems like lack of Asian representation in the media. Yeah, I get frustrated at people who use the cop-out justification 'Hollywood is a business'. They clearly recognise there's a wrongness in whitewashing, or white saviour tropes (when you explain it to them), but because they've never felt it from YOUR point of view, they feel no need to speak up the way I do. So their automatic subconscious response is to kind of dismiss the petitions and rants they see popping up on Facebook, because it just doesn't affect them.

Now. Imagine. Being a black person in America. The problems they're facing. My problems almost seems like a goddamn privilege compared to the shit THEY deal with, and the dismissiveness THEY have to fight and have been fighting since they were goddamn shipped to America as slaves.

Anyway. Adulting. It's fun.

Exposure to the dark web, 4chan and sex, violence, and gore

My ability to tolerate other people and their shitness is amazing. Actually, my ability to tolerate the stupidity and ignorance of worldwide society is amazing. If you've actually read my previous posts, you'll know I've had a lifetime of training for this. And not just because I've had to deal with atavistic adults in my personal and professional realm, but because I used to be an avid commenter on contentious news articles and intrepid explorer of the dark web. You might laugh but the latter is mostly represented by 4chan (being the springboard to even darker material), which I used to check up on a lot to smirk at politically incorrect jokes, many of which would have broken provisions in the Racial Discrimination Act/your souls. But I also go on to analyse the fascinating psyche, attitudes, opinions and beliefs of this much derided and hormonally imbalanced community.

The reason why 4chan is interesting to me is because it is a no-holds barred communication platform. Under anonymity, people say what they really think and feel. And they can be as ragey as they want. Obviously, there's a lot of racism, sexism, homophobia etc. that's prevalent on the threads, but being aware of how ingrained these attitudes are among certain 'lowlifes' of our communities, and how secretly they hold onto these attitudes, is in itself a highly valuable sociological insight. If you can handle the porn and shitposting, sometimes you do come across some very serious and personal stories about family, romance, academia... usually, these are really sad stories from lonely and depressed people who have nobody else to talk to. Being able to look through this window into another person's most deeply held fears, insecurities, or experiences, is something that I think most of us would find interesting to read. And it does make you a little bit wiser when interacting with other people. You never know what sort of pain others are going through, and if you go into 4chan with full awareness of its nature, you (ironically) become more attuned to the effects of bullying, family violence, and depression.

Secondly, 4chan is the birthplace of many of the internet's greatest urban legends, catchphrases, memes and global online movements, including the now infamous hacktvisit group, Anonymous. I mean, how can you resist? Even if I weren't a journalist and an intensely curious/voyeuristic person, I'd still be like 'whoaaa, this is so cool, I'm actually watching people talk about how they're going to take down Sony'. And then days later, millions of Sony accounts get hacked, causing a worldwide shitstorm. The Sony hacks were stupid, but what was exhilarating was watching the progression of individual hackers and self-proclaimed shitlords come together online for the first time and hatch a global-scale rebellion, against a powerful corporation, a politician, or just some celebrity they don't like (e.g. Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift). It's not something you get to see every day within the peeling confines of your staid, quotidian lecture theatres - teenagers and college students manipulating big agendas. 

Apart from 4chan, I frequently browse LiveLeak, which is a video-hosting website for uncensored content that wouldn't be available to find anywhere else. LiveLeak is the sort of place you go to find the latest uncensored videos of police brutality against black people, the immediate aftermath of an airstrike hitting and maiming Syrian children, the wanton bashing of a woman to death inside a McDonald's located in a bad part of China, gang fights between members of different Colombian drug syndicates, scenes of people being shot during the Paris Attacks, a couple of cruel adolescents in Scotland pissing on a classmate in the schoolyard... It's where you go if you want to stare the cold hard truth of humanity in the face. And accept human nature as it is.

It would sound very sad and very pathetic if I were to just go up to a stranger, or even a friend, and be like 'yeah, I grew up surfing 4chan, LiveLeak, Encyclopedia Dramatica...'. 4chan in particular, obviously has a reputation for being 'the asshole of the internet' and a place where pubescent idiots congregate. But personally, and almost hilariously, I'm a better person for it. I know exactly how fucked up people can be. I know exactly the sort of suffering humans willingly inflict upon each other. And in knowing, seeing, and virtually sensing the full brunt of bigotry, pain and physical or sexual violence around the world, I know that I analyse things more clear-sightedly, and more pragmatically or realistically than other people. 

I see beyond the surface of mainstream media. I learn to question what I'm reading and not simply accept versions of the 'truth' espoused by outlets like The New York Times or The Guardian, which can be ridiculously leftist; CNN, which is journalism's sobriquet for 'international tabloid'; NowThis, whose popular Facebook videos are edited in ways that are often grossly and actively manipulative (please for the love of god treat NowThis as an editorial, not a news source); New Statesman and many other British news publications, (at least in the past) that are dominated by Eton and Harrow educated male editorialists; and well, every media publication because every writer comes with their own bias. Including me, though I try to be as balanced and self-aware as possible. 

Additionally, because I was exposed to a lot of violent imagery when I was young (e.g. my parents making me watch a film on The Nanking Massacre when I was 15 so I got to see dead babies on the street and women being raped by sticks and other foreign objects) is an absolutely pivotal reason why I feel so passionately about human rights and just generally, stories of injustice, and why I chose to pursue journalism and law. When you're so young, and you see a dead boy who was bashed so violently by KKK sympathisers that his entire front face had caved in (Emmett Till), or the puny hunched figure of an emaciated Sudanese baby crawling inches away from a lingering vulture (Kevin Carter's 1994 Pulitzer winning photo), you. Fucking. Change. There was no way I could fathom a future career in finance, banking, or some other blood-sucking industry that won't somehow allow me to address the wrongness I saw in society. Just by the way, I think the finance/banking industry is one giant corrupt as fuck dickhead that needs to be castrated or at least sterilised by some hard-hitting laws. I seriously wouldn't mind going all Saw 1 on some of Wall Street. And I can't help feeling physical disgust towards all my peers who worship Big Banks and Investment Bankers. 

Anyway, the last thing I have to say is that going on all these sites and witnessing or partaking in these brutally honest online exchanges - I've learnt to listen and be empathetic, and soft when I need to be, but savage as fuck when the time beckons. Or perhaps I don't need to be 'savage as fuck', but I've learnt a lot about how to approach people, to stand up for myself tactfully, to learn when to hold back from spraying somebody with expletives or vocabulary they don't understand, to embrace machiavellian social strategy (hitherto only in work life) like winning over the loyalties of your enemies' friends and subsequently overturning power dynamics (lawl), and just in general, being a more realistic and socially attuned person. Also, thanks to that one friend I have who, purely by me observing her, taught me how to be much more 'life smart'/street-smart. 

Having said that, this was just my personal experience, and more likely, those who surfed 4chan as adolescents turn out more immature than mature. But yes, it is certainly a fascinating world. 

Movie: Eye in the Sky

Premise: 

Col. Katherine Powell, a military officer in command of an operation to capture terrorists in Kenya, sees her mission escalate when a young girl enters the kill zone, triggering an international dispute over the implications of modern warfare.

(Edited out of my post a lot of swearing and top-notch insults...there's still a lot of swearing)

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I just finished watching this incredible movie. All that I can think about right now is this.

Every single international relations student needs to fucking watch Eye in the Sky. 

Actually, every single person who holds any opinion about war, politics, and human rights needs to watch Eye in the Sky.

I am not kidding. 

You know how many people think they know what it's like to make a judgement call in the heart of an ongoing war zone?

To think that wartime actions can be critiqued through the black and white lens of moral absolutism (i.e. "this act is always wrong" and "this act is always right")?

To think that their personal interpretation of an intricate military or government decision is somehow an 'obvious' one, and more credible than those held by the people who actually knew all the available facts, have experienced war on the ground, and have to bear real-world responsibility for their decisions? 

A LOT. Because I had to debate such persons (friends IRL) with such views on Facebook recently.

Eye in the Sky, a consummately woven and utterly compelling story, will make what I think is already totally fucking obvious even more obvious. 

Wartime decisions, especially under tight time frames and unforgiving public scrutiny, are extremely difficult to make. They also and very often involve moral ambiguity, and moral relativism. Sometimes, it is as impossible to decide on a wartime action as it is to answer the biggest philosophical/ethical questions of our time. 

e.g. THAT 'trolley problem':

There is a runaway trolley barreling down the railway tracks. Ahead, on the tracks, there are five people tied up and unable to move. The trolley is headed straight for them. You are standing some distance off in the train yard, next to a lever. If you pull this lever, the trolley will switch to a different set of tracks. However, you notice that there is one person on the side track. You have two options: (1) Do nothing, and the trolley kills the five people on the main track. (2) Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the side track where it will kill one person. Which is the most ethical choice?

I feel like everything I'm typing out right now is so commonsensical and shouldn't even need to be stated. I feel like a fucking pedagogic, tautological dickhead even pasting the trolley problem here, and bolding certain lines that I think are important. I don't want to come off patronising and yet... 

The fact that I had clearly intelligent friends not understanding or unwilling to recognise this concept of 'yeah, sometimes there is no way to decide on right and wrong, and thus it is probably not a good idea for us as privileged first-world netizens to impose our opinions onto other people with more knowledge than us, relating to problems that they personally deal with' - was immensely frustrating.

Of course, it would be acceptable that somebody make a moral judgment AFTER they take into account every possible factor (that is available to them) about the conflict. But frankly, we're twenty something year old college students living in the most liveable city in the world. Come on.

There is simply no way we are in any position to know everything about a freaking war occurring 3000 miles away in a country, and then comment authoritatively on a morally ambiguous situation occurring in its midst. 

Anyway, Eye in the Sky is a MUST WATCH. It is just a beautiful film. I weeped for a few seconds at the end. 

KIND OF A SPOILER (pretty obvious ending anyway) (the most apt summary of Eye in the Sky):

Tear-stained politician:

"In my opinion, that was disgraceful. And all done from the safety of your chair."

A Lieutenant General stands up, preparing to leave the room. In a deep, measured tone, he reminds her:

"I have attended the immediate aftermath of five suicide bombings. 

On the ground, with the bodies. 

What you witnessed today, with your coffee and biscuits, is terrible. 

What these men would have done would have been even more terrible. 

Never. Tell a soldier. That he does not know the cost of war."

A catharsis about being free from society's sycophantic bullshit

A few days ago, I read an extremely well-written feature piece on Moxie Marlinspike in the latest issue of WIRED Magazine. No, Moxie Marlinspike is not Hollywood's next purple-haired, uber sassy but impossibly cute manic pixie dream girl.

He is the programming genius who invented the software Open Whispers, which enables double-end encryption on your text messages, online messages (i.e. on Facebook and Whatsapp), and phone calls. He's the world's number one guardian of privacy. A cynic of government and law enforcement. A believer that only rule-breaking leads to progress. He is, by all means, the people's hero. And truly, his technology played a critical role in the events of the Arab Spring.

Moxie Marlinspike is a grade A rebel. He doesn't play by society's rules and he will never have his life suffocated by the boundaries that other people set for him. He did things like drop out of school, not go to college, couch-surf among different friends for months, go sailing around the world with a few of his best mates. He once had to sleep on a bench. But this was the life he had chosen and wanted. It was the most precarious, the most exciting, and the most personally satisfying.

And then I realised something. Something that has further changed how I understand myself and what I want out of life. On the other hand, I can see how some people may argue that this is something borne dangerously out of my own fantastical desires - a harbinger of my vocational death. And perhaps what I say next is only further testament to my quixoticism, but goddamn, I only have one life, and if I had to conduct myself according to the rules, conventions and expectations dictated by the rat race of society, its ridiculous fashions, and its cretinous toxic industries, then I'd rather fucking die right now. What I wanted was to be - was Moxie Marlinspike. 

I envied the hell out of Moxie Marlinspike. Reading his story, I became acutely aware that I am not a genius coder, and that in my lifetime, I probably will not possess a skill anywhere near the level of consummation that Moxie exercised over coding (except maybe writing? lol). But I definitely recognised that the more I read about him, the more I was nodding to myself in absolute awe. Here was a guy who was both changing the world quite drastically, and not having to commit to bureaucratic bullshit, eight hours a day of sycophantic smiles, memorised by-lines, and tea-sipping etiquette with old white men/boring white-collar suits. He was answerable to no-one, and absolutely free to be himself.

And I loved it. 

Maybe this is just a phase, spurred by my countless interactions with bosses who believed that 'respect' was a top-down hierarchy and not an egalitarian, horizontal one. Spurred by the neverending comparisons and heavy expectations placed on me as a law student. Spurred by the extreme stress and existential crisis that law students feel when they apply for clerkships. 

To be honest, it's probably more to do with the first factor (where I've been underpaid, ignored, insulted, misunderstood, disrespected etc etc). And the fact that growing up in a Chinese family heavily involved in prominent Chinese-Melbourne circles, I've been forced by my parents to 'kiss ass' every time I attend a function, and battle for photos with whichever politician was present. I've been doing this since high school and I have barely ever self-promoted such photos on Facebook or whatever. I don't know, it's just fucking embarrassing. Like, taking a photo with the President of the Electoral Commission when I was 15, or with the MP for Box Hill and his wife when I was 17. Who the fuck cares? Do people care? 

Every time I post shit like that now, which is certainly not often, is because I'm finally at the point where everyone around me is doing the same shit and I feel pressured to self-promote. I also sometimes do feel a bit guilty. I have had all these incredible opportunities to network and I haven't capitalised fully on them, or I never actually sustain the networks I've built. I once had a lovely mentor who graduated from Cambridge business school and did a JD at Monash. He's now the Asia Pacific director of some international law firm. We used to exchange emails, and then I just stopped replying (it might have had a little to do with the fact that I was 17 and he was 41 when we first met, and I was uncomfortable that he was driving me around to get coffee and stuff oh god I'm sorry mister, you were a good guy).

Anyway. I know. I was fucking stupid to give that up. But honestly, I'm exhausted. I was thrust into a world of sycophantism when I was very young, and although I know that I am good at talking to people, I hate having to try really hard to please people that I don't know or like, and seppuku my own personality for the sake of what other people deem a necessity of life. 

Fuck I really need to study now. 

Everyone shines a light for France. But who's going to shine the light for Beirut?

Nobody. And that's the truth. Because tonight, while all the western European countries are putting on pretty, poignant displays of French colours over their iconic buildings and bridges, the suffering of humans in Lebanon are ignored. And for the first time in my life, the hypocrisy is actually pissing me off. 

Yeah, lots of things are pissing me off these days. Incessant make-up advertisements tailored towards me simply because I'm a girl; stupid ass puns on Facebook; the cretins defending the Apple store security guard; "safe spaces", "trigger warnings" and sanctimonious "social justice warriors" all make me want to rip a stress ball to shreds. 

But at this very moment, nothing pisses me off more than hearing someone say "I'm not racist, but we need to stop accepting refugees" or worse, "turn them back, we need to protect our own citizens first." 

These people are so fucking selfish. Fuck. 

You are essentially saying that humans of the Middle East are not worth the same value of humans from first world European/Western societies. Somehow, they're of lesser quality. Not worth a response. 

Indeed, we've become so immune to violence in the Middle East, so used to hearing about Syrians, Lebanese, Libyans, Jordanians, Israelis, Palestinians, dying and being slaughtered - that it's not even 'news' anymore. Middle Eastern people aren't even 'humans' anymore. They're just facts, statistics, numbers that you see on a fucking screen. 

Syrians, for example, are victims of chemical attacks from their own government. They're being used as literal human shields by all sides, being locked up in cages and dragged in front of rebel tanks/cars/soldiers. They're being indiscriminately targeted by Russian airstrikes. Hundreds of thousands die. And netizens don't give a flyingggggg fuck.

Earlier this month, Syrian women caged by militants and used as shields against airstrikes.

To be honest, a few months ago, I probably wouldn't have given it that much thought either. I'd see the pictures, gasp, and then move on. But I don't want to have this response anymore.

Tonight really woke me up to that. 

I have Muslim friends from international student club groups at university who feel persecuted every day by the inane comments of racist Australians like Pauline Hanson. 

I have Cambodian friends whose parents fled their home country on shoddy boats to seek asylum in Australia and still deal with anti-"boat people" sentiment, while being illegally paid below-minimum wages. 

I have Sri Lankan friends whose families are scarred by the recent civil war between the Tamils and Sinhalese, and who carry those scars and tensions with them into the classroom even if they try to hide it.

I have been taught humanities by a (blonde-haired, blue-eyed) teacher who was a second generation Lebanese-Australian, who once brought in Lebanese food for the class, and whose son was also a student in my year level. 

I have grown up with Pakistani Muslims in primary school, including one boy who did a class project on Jet Li and shared his love of Linkin Park with a Vietnamese classmate in the computer rooms when they really weren't supposed to be there. 

I have listened to intelligent friends subconsciously uphold racist stereotypes with remarks like "sorry, I just don't date Asians". 

I have taken friends back home and listened to my relatives make off-hand racist remarks about how dark their complexions were, and how they might steal things from our house.  

I have had one friend also make off-hand racist 'jokes' about Indians smelling like curry and having dirty bathrooms while we were sitting inside an Indian restaurant, surrounded by Indian families. 

And while I love a few politically incorrect jokes myself, I would never fucking do that^.

So screw this world. Screw racists. Screw ignorance. And fuck your stupid little racist jokes. 

Wake the FUCK UP to what you are doing and contributing to. Put things in freaking perspective. Think of all the friends and acquaintances that might be affected by your words, or omissions. And stand up for them. 

Because as Emma Watson said - if not me, who? If not now, when?